IV
Every stone around your neck you know the reason for
at this time in your life Relentlessly
you tell me their names and furiously I
forget their names Forgetting the names of the stones
you love, you, lover of stones
what is it I do?
--Adrienne Rich, Sleepwalking Next to Death"I would have done anything to avoid the pain of transformation. I would have stayed in that dull, aching pain for as long as I could. But I was forced in another direction--the absolute last direction I would have ever chosen for myself. And all I can tell you is how lucky I was to have been so totally messed up, to be sick and in so much pain that I had no choice but to confront it, and challenge everything I knew about myself.
Most people go through this world clinging to what's safe, having an idea of who they should be to pass through life with the least amount of friction. This is what we hope for--this is what we think means success. When this happens, we can cling to what feels safe and try to construct a socially acceptable version of ourselves, or we can jump into the void, risk everything we think we are, swim far from the safety of the shore for the unknown horizon, answer the call of every wild, bleeding desire we have buried in us, and use this one life we've been given to vault every edge, limit and wall we've constructed."
--Holly Whitaker
