vii.

how to mend broken things

I once knew a man

whose profession it was to mend

precious objects, broken

intentionally or unintentionally.

he devised

all manner of concoctions:

epoxies, resins, glues,

to conceal from the eye

the rifts, the fissures, the cracks.

how we mend broken things

is not a recipe.

it is an art,

much like divining 

water coursing unseen beneath the surface, your wedding ring, a stone someone touched recently, your reading glasses.

how we mend broken things

must come with the profound recognition 

that not all things

can be

mended.

it depends on the material: your great-grandmother's crystal, a favorite porcelain tea pot, an ancient tree, a beloved home torn from its roots by a hurricane

flesh

a heart.

some things cannot ever be mended 

and while you may be tempted to reach for the glue, sometimes the only way

to mend certain things, is to leave something else broken

fashion the shards into an expression of the pain of loss

make something beautiful 

from the fragments

of the destroyed world.

 

labyrinth iv

IV

Every stone around your neck you know the reason for

at this time in your life      Relentlessly

you tell me their names and furiously I

forget their names    Forgetting the names of the stones

you love, you, lover of stones

what is it I do?

--Adrienne Rich, Sleepwalking Next to Death

"I would have done anything to avoid the pain of transformation. I would have stayed in that dull, aching pain for as long as I could. But I was forced in another direction--the absolute last direction I would have ever chosen for myself. And all I can tell you is how lucky I was to have been so totally messed up, to be sick and in so much pain that I had no choice but to confront it, and challenge everything I knew about myself. 

Most people go through this world clinging to what's safe, having an idea of who they should be to pass through life with the least amount of friction. This is what we hope for--this is what we think means success. When this happens, we can cling to what feels safe and try to construct a socially acceptable version of ourselves, or we can jump into the void, risk everything we think we are, swim far from the safety of the shore for the unknown horizon, answer the call of every wild, bleeding desire we have buried in us, and use this one life we've been given to vault every edge, limit and wall we've constructed."

--Holly Whitaker